Mothers Day

I woke up to Starbucks (mi favorita) Cinnamon Dolce Latte, on my night stand! And then when I walked out my door my kids tossed home -made heart shaped confetti in the air and said “Happy Mothers Day Mom!!” I had to pinch myself to make sure I was dreaming, it was too adorable.


Adam made my newest breakfast craving: buttermilk pancakes smothered w butter, piled with strawberries and sprinkled with powdered sugar!! So delish!! He also made fresh whipping cream too, just in case I were to change my mind in regards to toppings. I sat down to eat surrounded by home made mothers day cards, they were completely precious.


I had steak and asparagus (with lots of other nummy veggies too) stir fry for lunch. And a classy spaghetti with meat sauce and French bread (again smothered with butter) dinner. I had a slice of the moistest (I know, I know I dislike the word “moist“ too but hey I tell it like it is), Almond-Clementine cake topped with a thick layer of chocolate for dessert. A cake that is most certainly gluten free, a cake especially made by me -twice because I burnt the 1st one- for my sweet momma who has celiac.
In between all the eating, and eating and eating. I did a scavenger hunt that Aidan designed for me. He cut big hearts out of construction paper and hid them through out the house. I had to find them all, he had a blast watching me look everywhere. Let’s just say 8 years olds are very creative. In the end I took the memory of Aidan’s uncontrollable laughter as a prize, you can bet it’ll be treasured. I also spent some time gardening…in peace.
This Mother’s Day all I asked for was to eat good. I’m no good at cooking, plus I just don’t like it, so to have it off my hands for the entire day was the BIGgest blessing!


Now my belly is swollen, and it’s just sad because I look like I’m 3 months pregnant…though I’m so not pregnant I’m just full. But that’s the theme here: full. My life, my belly. It just is, and in so many ways than those which are obvious, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was a happy mother's day.

Love Notes From Paris

They are a good morning surprise at my bedside, sometimes they are gently folded other times they are tucked neatly into an envelope, they are proudly hung on my fridge or taped up on her closet door, they come with hugs, they come with smiles, they are the most precious thing you’ll ever see…they are love notes from Paris.

I can’t tell whether Paris loves to color and draw, or if she just loves to love people. She spends countless hours every week putting time and effort into coloring pages and drawings, each accompanied with a short sweet love note: “Mommy I love you”, “Dear mommy thank you and I love you”, “Mom I think your pretty and I love you”, “I love you mom”. And it’s no scribble, when you get a love note from Paris you get her very best. When she is working hard at her mini-masterpieces (this is what I call them), she gladly and proudly does so. She colors and draws on purpose, these mini-masterpieces deliver a very important message. She has intention and doesn’t hold back, nothing but her all for those she loves dearly.

Never once have I heard Paris say with words or action, “you only get a love note from me if…” or “I don’t have time for love notes” or “you don’t do anything for me, why should I give you a love note”. Paris is only 5 yet she’s figured out one of the most important things about life….others before self. How? It doesn’t feel at all possible that she’s learned this selfless love from us. I know I’ve said many times with word and/or action “you only get _________ if….” I say this at the store, at dinner, at bedtime, let's face it I say it a lot of the time. I’ve said “not right now”, or “ok well do that later”, or “tomorrow” when I know fully well this mostly means, probably not anytime soon if at all. I’ve said in word and action “you don’t deserve it” which pretty much sums up the phrase “you don’t do anything for me why should I do anything for you”. Man, if tears came naturally to me I’d be balling right now with shame. I wish I could say I’ve only held back on the material things, but truth be told sometimes I hold back my love too. But not Paris. She gives love notes to everyone in our family, whether they’ve been nice or not, she holds no account. She writes love notes for friends too (but how crappy am I that I say “ill make sure so and so gets it” only to completely forget). She always finds time to let us know she loves us, and she doesn’t require that we deserve it.

I’m not the best mom. By that I mean I could do better at setting a more godly example for my children. However I can’t help but feel humbled. If there’s one thing I know about God it’s that He is strongest in our weakness, and Paris belongs to Him not me. I can’t take credit for her good heart. I can’t be praised for her selfless love….Ok my throat is tight, and my eyes are welling up. I’m dysfunctional so I know tears will not be pouring out but my heart is. As I examine the situation I see so much evidence of God, and it’s painfully beautiful. I’m so thankful that right now she is more Chirst-like than she is Mom-like. Paris I am so proud of you!

(working on her birthday cards for this weekend's birthday parties)

Not Yet.

YES! Last week I celebrated being done with a quick visit back to school!

 

It’s a dream of mine to go back to school for a degree in something…Something that will take a whole other post, but feel free to guess until then. I’ve taken classes here and there since high school but this was my first full time term ever. I thought it’d be tough taking sociology, psychology and philosophy, especially having been out of school for the last seven+ years. But it wasn’t!! I had so much fun being challenged, and the subjects I picked were so intriguing. So why not go back? Because I got B’s instead of A’s.

 

I made a deal with myself before this term started. If I went to school, no one (at home) would be able to tell. Well that meant NOT opting out of a mini-vaca during mid-terms and NOT opting out of another mini-vaca the week prior to finals. That meant not studying when necessary and not getting around to doing my best on every single assignment.

 

The commitment I made to myself also meant preventing spill over, which I didn’t do so well. After each mini-vaca I hit the books and left Adam with a pretty hefty to-do list. Being the great husband that he is he didn’t mind so much, but I did. Other than a couple “sill-overs” I was rather impressed with how well I was able to hold up the commitment I made to myself. I love impressing myself! I also managed to pull off B’s (unless the teacher’s grade on a curve in which case I may have A’s), this is great considering I thought I deserved C’s. But that was just my perspective, I knew I didn’t do what I was capable of doing in school. Doing my best to maintain that commitment I made was of utmost priority to me, and I wasn‘t going to sell out for an A.

 

Saying “so long for now” is bitter-sweet. I am so excited for school, but I want to go back when I can be great at it. On the other hand, I love having a family!! This stage in life is amazing: I can completely appreciate the ages of my children, I’ve never been in a better place in my marriage, and I finally feel like I’m finally right where I WANT to be. God is so good, and I feel so blessed. Why am I not living it up? Oh wait I’m about to!

 

Regardless of how “full” my life looks I do have extra time on my hand, not a whole lot but extra nonetheless. So here is the sweet part of the deal: extra time to just do the extra special stuff in life. Here’s my list, the list I’ll look at every time I find myself sad about not going back to school…yet.

• Savoring bed time with my kids.
• Hosting dinner with family friends, more often!
• Hanging on my husbands every word.
• Going above and beyond in home schooling my children, doing all the fun extra stuff that makes school COOL.
• Being better prepared for my kid’s busy sports schedule. No more “hurry, we’re late”.

Yes, it’s bitter-sweet.

 

THE G8 EIGHT!

Dec 6th: Aidan's 8th birthday! Oh how I love this child. By nothing short of a miracle Aidan's shaping up to be a great kid. Eight G8 facts about Aidan:


He's proud to know & share Jesus! Aidan's faith is influential, inspirational and unshakable! This is a picture of Aidan @ Camp!

 

Trains, race cars, motorcycles & NOW it's airplanes! This is Aidan at a much anticipated trip to the Evergreen Aviation & Space Museum!

 

He is still a curious mind. He loves observing, discovering & inventing, Just last night he said he "when I grow up I'm going to invent a chemo treatment that cures cancer in just two days"!



Aidan is a die hard fan of the Portland Trail Blazers, much like his Dad!

  Our family loved cheering Aidan on in his very first full year of sports. (Soccer was his favorite :)


Upward is the BEST basketball league EVER!



Ok so t-ball was totally boring but we had great coaches & great weather!

Aidan did awesome @ soccer, he had to play up this year but he kept up just fine and adjusted well!



He is a great reader! It's usually well after his bedtime when I finally have to say no more reading, and even then it's hard to do b/c I'm so proud!

Today was  Aidan's official birthday. We went to the same Christmas tree farm we always go to on Aidan's birthday we pick out the biggest Noble we could find, came home and decorated then watched a Christmas movie and thanked God. What a happy momma I am knowing Aidan has way more than I could ever want for him. Not because we have a lot of money...we don't, but because he is a good person and loves God.

Good Party. Good Sleep. Good look.

Dec: 3rd. Today I woke up in a great mood. By that I mean, I hopped right out of bed and straight over to the coffee machine. Hey, it’s baby steps remember. My goal is to NOT dread getting out of bed each morning. Today, was Aidan’s 8th birthday party. It was a great party. Watching Aidan smile and laugh and play brings me joy. Seeing people come together to celebrate Aidan makes me happy. He is a good kid and has a good heart and a great perspective. That’s why his birthday this year was themed “The GR8 eight”.
Dec 4th. At 2:30 AM I was still awake. After all 9 kids who slept over went home for the day Paris and I took a 3 hour nap and it was wonderful. When I woke up we spent the entire day as a family doing nothing. I love days when we do nothing. Even when we’re at home with nothing planned we’re always doing something. But not today. Today we sat around and watched football How ’bout them Ducks!. Then we play fought as a family, I busted out my made up karate moves, but Adam remains champion and after that we played bop it. Once the kids were in bed I watched “Eclipse” for the 1st time in months, then I slept 9 more hours! A good sleep makes me happy. Not to much, not to little puts a smile on my face!
Dec 5th. Today was Sunday and we went to church. I took the time to get ready today after 3 days of t-shirts ponytails & pajamas. I love “getting ready” I feel way more confident when I like the way I look. Taking that hour for myself makes my whole day better! And it's not for anyone else, if I do my hair put on some make up and dress in something other than a tshirt & ponytail it's for me and only me. Church was lovely. Everything it should be, my heart was ready to worship, my ears ready to listen, my mind set on learning. Church=happy, getting ready=happy.
I want to re-establish my purpose in all this. Almost everyday, well pretty much everyday I experience frustration. I can’t say the same for happiness. Right now I feel like happiness is screaming inside me “that’s not fair, frustration gets more of you than I do”. Happiness is right. It’s not fair. My goal in this is to experience happiness daily. So far, so good.

Uno, Dos.

Dec 1st: My kids wake up before me and habitually I sleep in an additional 30-40 minutes. They know to stay in their rooms and due to my daily requests they try being quiet…but forget everyday.

So, we’re stuck in this predictable morning cycle: they wake up, I wake up, from bed I shout out “kids be quiet please”, I attempt to fit in some additional beauty sleep, fail at it, request shout from bed a 2nd time “kids please be quiet, try whispering”, works for about 10 minutes, then I finally give up and get out of bed.

I dislike everything about this routine. I just can’t bring myself out of bed easily much less happily if I don’t wake up by my own free will. So I keep thinking…almost EVERY NIGHT of my life, that yes tomorrow I will wake up before the kids. I’m obviously not super determined. I love the idea of waking up before the children almost as much as I like sleep. I’m done pretending, I’m so not waking up before the kids anytime soon. But I do not like my first impression on the kids each morning being me shouting from my room for them to be quiet. SO LAME!
Today I decided not to shout from my room. Instead I laid in bed, and wished that my children would just learn to play quietly. Sheesh. As simple as it was not to shout it made a great impact on my morning. Happiness: check!


Dec 2nd: Today I woke up and shouted, but I did hop out of bed earlier. Tomorrow in addition to not shouting I’ll be trying to hop out of bed earlier too! It might be difficult because it’s past mid-night and I’m still hopped up on that sugary piece of cake I had at teen mops today.


Today was teen mops and I did genuinely find myself happy there tonight. It was a real treat tonight. A speaker cancelled but to our benefit we had a really good night of discussion instead. I LOVE discussion group time, it really, really makes me happy. Though their stories are sometimes tough and I know some of my moms are in a real grey place in their lives right now I LOVE knowing they have teen mops. It makes me so happy to know Gods created this little safe haven for them and I get to be a part of it! Happiness day 2: check!

my happiness project

I'm borrowing this title from a book I saw advertised in a magazine I was flipping through while waiting to renew my licene at the DMV. Happiness. Homeschooling has definately brought my to face some interesting realities about myself. Mainly, I take life way to seriously. I want to smile more, laugh more, wake up and not drag myelf out of bed. Everyday in December I am going to be purposeful about being "happy". Every day I'll take a step toward accomplishing something I think will make me happy. Why? Because my kids. If I could write out a childhood for them it would be nothing but smiles & sunshine.

This will be an interesting journey. I'm curious to know what comes of it if anything at all. I know joy, I know contentment, and I've felt happiness here & there, but I really want to know if I can genuinely experience happiness weekly, or maybe even daily. I feel like I should be "happy". I have a lot to be happy about. Really! I do!

So what if it's technically December 2nd, I'll just blog twice today.