She is UNREAL!

There she was standing tall and confident in who she is. A married women with three young children. She wakes up every morning before her husband and children to read her Bible, pray and then worship the Lord through out her day. She puts effort into her outfit, hair and make up day in and day out and makes sure that her time doesn't take away from their time. She has breakfast hot and ready for her husband before he walks out the door, she prepares three wholesome meals a day for her family in a timely manner. She puts time and effort into making sure her children are primed, proper and polite. She makes sure her home looks like it's ready to sell each day before her husband comes home from work. She does marriage workbooks with her husband and teaches Bible lessons to her children. She is all the things love is all the time: patient, kind, understanding....unfailing...unfailing...unfailing....She is UNREAL! But she was dream, a vision, a hope for someone better...the absolute best for my family and no you will never see such a thing lived out in my life.

Sure there will be days I wake up before the family, read my Bible pray and go on about the day worshipping God. Of course there will be times when I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner but honestly, Adam's the cook, I have zero talent in the kitchen, all my "creative masterpieces" outside of desserts have been bluntly said: Gross! Point being at one point or another and maybe someday all in one I will display such character, but I am human far from perfect and "unfailing" is way on the other end of the spectrum from where I stand.

I spent a good long time trying to understand why in the world God wouldn't allow my efforts to play out into such a dream woman. I mean seriously I had super good intentions and I couldn't see any harm being done. So why not? Do I have an answer yet? Maybe not exactly. But I do know this, I have asked many, different times, many different ways for many different reasons for God to do a good work in me, to mold me in his image, to love his creation through me. And since I let go of what seemed a simple thing to ask, I've stopped seeking out this distraction of a women that would impress the world and started, yet again seeking a Christ-like character that would impress God.

That being said, along with the fact that I feel 100% more myself now than ever before, goes to say God's up to something. He makes beauty from pain. It's hard to hear no or clearly see God directing you toward another path. A different path, but once your eyes are opened to see it's His path, how can you not be thankful. I'm reminded that like a child I often don't know what in the world I'm asking for. However I am sure of two things I remind myself often of right now: 1) God is all-knowing (that's a cooler way to say He knows all things)! 2) He loves me, oh how He ever so passionately loves me. You too you know ;)

Here is me, the real me :) not some dream woman

who was trying to be something she wasn't!

2009 The best Christmas so far as a wife/mom!