THE G8 EIGHT!

Dec 6th: Aidan's 8th birthday! Oh how I love this child. By nothing short of a miracle Aidan's shaping up to be a great kid. Eight G8 facts about Aidan:


He's proud to know & share Jesus! Aidan's faith is influential, inspirational and unshakable! This is a picture of Aidan @ Camp!

 

Trains, race cars, motorcycles & NOW it's airplanes! This is Aidan at a much anticipated trip to the Evergreen Aviation & Space Museum!

 

He is still a curious mind. He loves observing, discovering & inventing, Just last night he said he "when I grow up I'm going to invent a chemo treatment that cures cancer in just two days"!



Aidan is a die hard fan of the Portland Trail Blazers, much like his Dad!

  Our family loved cheering Aidan on in his very first full year of sports. (Soccer was his favorite :)


Upward is the BEST basketball league EVER!



Ok so t-ball was totally boring but we had great coaches & great weather!

Aidan did awesome @ soccer, he had to play up this year but he kept up just fine and adjusted well!



He is a great reader! It's usually well after his bedtime when I finally have to say no more reading, and even then it's hard to do b/c I'm so proud!

Today was  Aidan's official birthday. We went to the same Christmas tree farm we always go to on Aidan's birthday we pick out the biggest Noble we could find, came home and decorated then watched a Christmas movie and thanked God. What a happy momma I am knowing Aidan has way more than I could ever want for him. Not because we have a lot of money...we don't, but because he is a good person and loves God.

Good Party. Good Sleep. Good look.

Dec: 3rd. Today I woke up in a great mood. By that I mean, I hopped right out of bed and straight over to the coffee machine. Hey, it’s baby steps remember. My goal is to NOT dread getting out of bed each morning. Today, was Aidan’s 8th birthday party. It was a great party. Watching Aidan smile and laugh and play brings me joy. Seeing people come together to celebrate Aidan makes me happy. He is a good kid and has a good heart and a great perspective. That’s why his birthday this year was themed “The GR8 eight”.
Dec 4th. At 2:30 AM I was still awake. After all 9 kids who slept over went home for the day Paris and I took a 3 hour nap and it was wonderful. When I woke up we spent the entire day as a family doing nothing. I love days when we do nothing. Even when we’re at home with nothing planned we’re always doing something. But not today. Today we sat around and watched football How ’bout them Ducks!. Then we play fought as a family, I busted out my made up karate moves, but Adam remains champion and after that we played bop it. Once the kids were in bed I watched “Eclipse” for the 1st time in months, then I slept 9 more hours! A good sleep makes me happy. Not to much, not to little puts a smile on my face!
Dec 5th. Today was Sunday and we went to church. I took the time to get ready today after 3 days of t-shirts ponytails & pajamas. I love “getting ready” I feel way more confident when I like the way I look. Taking that hour for myself makes my whole day better! And it's not for anyone else, if I do my hair put on some make up and dress in something other than a tshirt & ponytail it's for me and only me. Church was lovely. Everything it should be, my heart was ready to worship, my ears ready to listen, my mind set on learning. Church=happy, getting ready=happy.
I want to re-establish my purpose in all this. Almost everyday, well pretty much everyday I experience frustration. I can’t say the same for happiness. Right now I feel like happiness is screaming inside me “that’s not fair, frustration gets more of you than I do”. Happiness is right. It’s not fair. My goal in this is to experience happiness daily. So far, so good.

Uno, Dos.

Dec 1st: My kids wake up before me and habitually I sleep in an additional 30-40 minutes. They know to stay in their rooms and due to my daily requests they try being quiet…but forget everyday.

So, we’re stuck in this predictable morning cycle: they wake up, I wake up, from bed I shout out “kids be quiet please”, I attempt to fit in some additional beauty sleep, fail at it, request shout from bed a 2nd time “kids please be quiet, try whispering”, works for about 10 minutes, then I finally give up and get out of bed.

I dislike everything about this routine. I just can’t bring myself out of bed easily much less happily if I don’t wake up by my own free will. So I keep thinking…almost EVERY NIGHT of my life, that yes tomorrow I will wake up before the kids. I’m obviously not super determined. I love the idea of waking up before the children almost as much as I like sleep. I’m done pretending, I’m so not waking up before the kids anytime soon. But I do not like my first impression on the kids each morning being me shouting from my room for them to be quiet. SO LAME!
Today I decided not to shout from my room. Instead I laid in bed, and wished that my children would just learn to play quietly. Sheesh. As simple as it was not to shout it made a great impact on my morning. Happiness: check!


Dec 2nd: Today I woke up and shouted, but I did hop out of bed earlier. Tomorrow in addition to not shouting I’ll be trying to hop out of bed earlier too! It might be difficult because it’s past mid-night and I’m still hopped up on that sugary piece of cake I had at teen mops today.


Today was teen mops and I did genuinely find myself happy there tonight. It was a real treat tonight. A speaker cancelled but to our benefit we had a really good night of discussion instead. I LOVE discussion group time, it really, really makes me happy. Though their stories are sometimes tough and I know some of my moms are in a real grey place in their lives right now I LOVE knowing they have teen mops. It makes me so happy to know Gods created this little safe haven for them and I get to be a part of it! Happiness day 2: check!

my happiness project

I'm borrowing this title from a book I saw advertised in a magazine I was flipping through while waiting to renew my licene at the DMV. Happiness. Homeschooling has definately brought my to face some interesting realities about myself. Mainly, I take life way to seriously. I want to smile more, laugh more, wake up and not drag myelf out of bed. Everyday in December I am going to be purposeful about being "happy". Every day I'll take a step toward accomplishing something I think will make me happy. Why? Because my kids. If I could write out a childhood for them it would be nothing but smiles & sunshine.

This will be an interesting journey. I'm curious to know what comes of it if anything at all. I know joy, I know contentment, and I've felt happiness here & there, but I really want to know if I can genuinely experience happiness weekly, or maybe even daily. I feel like I should be "happy". I have a lot to be happy about. Really! I do!

So what if it's technically December 2nd, I'll just blog twice today.

More than I can begin to imagine.

 I think discovering God's word with my kids on a consistent basis is one of the coolest things ever.

I didn't grow up going to church with my family nor studying the Bible. Yet God put a path to himself before me and I chose to follow. Point being you don't have to grow up in a godly home to find God. So I don't feel pressured to make sure my children know the God who fashioned them in my womb. I know God will set his path before them with or with out help from me. However, I having been & being on the receiving end of God's love, grace, mercy and blessing can not help but share the good news with others. Jesus saves, and oh how He loves. Sharing that is my very passion. Who better to share it with that everyone I know, starting first with my own little family?

I don't see myself being responsible for what my children ultimately decide. To follow or not. It's for their choosing, I'm so thankful that God knows the heart. But I do feel responsible for putting my children in front of the open door of God's word.

I sometimes wonder what will come of all this. I gave these kids to God while they were in my womb and continually find myself doing so as the months turn into years. I mess up as a mom, and it crushes me sometimes, but somehow I have wonderful, wonderful children. Praise God, as bright and warm as the sun on a mid-summer's day is the deep assurance I feel from God that these children are in his grip and loved by Him more than I can begin to imagine.

My own little piece of heaven.

Heaven. Heaven is often a thought often far from my mind. It’s always been unclear, and quite odd and sometimes confusing to think about. So I got some things cleared up and let me tell you I personally think it’s a great thing to do especially if your in the line of ministry/outreach that serves baby/new Christians, I mean they need to and most likely want to know what they have to look forward to. Three books I’d like to recommend that offer some perspective: “Numbers Of Hope John 3:16” by Max Lucado, “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn, and the oh so wonderful (seriously wonderful) Study Bible!-LOVE my study Bible!

Oh yes, I’d like to add a blog to that reading list. This one I’m about to write might make for a decent read:
Shall we begin with a super brief background? I can’t tell you a time in my life when I didn’t know, seek, and pray to God. I couldn’t tell you when, but it was probably sometime in junior high when I began to fall in love with Jesus…and the rest is history. A deep meaningful history that brings me right here to where I’m at today…in my own little piece of heaven!

I’ve trusted in the Lord long enough to speak testimony to his faithfulness. It was not with out difficulty that I’ve come to this point in my life. I’ve experienced a deep peace, whole hearted contentment, and blessing all at separate times and sometimes even all at once. But this is something more! It’s knowing God a whole lot better today, than I knew him yesterday, and what’s silly is that yesterday, I was pretty darn sure I knew Him very well! What’s it like? It’s mind blowing! I’ve been and will be pondering this feeling for quite some time, there are so many words yet not one seems adequate. All I can share right now is that if it were physical, it would be like standing up with your arms stretched high singing praises louder than ever before from a heart that’s been forever changed, all over again! Does that sound weird to you?….at one point in my life that would have sounded completely out of my league, more in the ball park for those “Charismatic Evangelicals”. But it’s real, and I couldn’t even tell you how this broken girl got to this point.

I feel like I’ve finally arrived at the dinner table and sat down at the right plate. Not too full, certainly not empty. It’s the perfect plate for me, filling me up just enough and no more. For once in my life I think I’m exactly where I want to be, and God delights. I’m finally comfortable with who I am and truly confident of Christ’s work in me! Dearest reader if there is a goodness and abundance that God gives to his faithful ones here on fallen earth, how much more do we have to look forward to in heaven?

And there it is, the conclusion to this blog’s topic thus the point of interest in my life right now! Heaven, it’s real! Jesus can get you there and I’m looking forward to it!

Back to school 2010-2011

The dahlia festival made for quite the drive for us but was well worth it for back to school pictures.



Paris Marie-Kinder



Aidan Michael-2nd Grade



Asher-Pre-School

The Tilgner family is diving into our 1st full year of home schooling. Golly I sure do love my children!
So many people have their opinions on home schooling, good or bad almost everyone whom I tell I am home schooling, longs to at the very least understand why. Almost every one is interested in gaining some insight on the home schooling perspective, and I completely understand. I long to understand the “different” too. Picking a part every reason we decide to home school would make for quite the extensive blog post. But just in case your one of those people with a bad case of the “need to knows” then may this be the appetizer, a small taste of a “main course” blog post to come.

Reasons We Home School:

• A solid commitment to learning about God as a family.
• To discover and learn at our own pace and preference.
• To nurture a loving and respectful relationship with one another.
• To implement strong family values
• To encourage and nurture Godly character.
• To spend more time together as a family.

Milestone

Last night Aidan lost his first tooth! I'm quite certain if Aidan were like every other child, he would have lost this particular tooth by now, it has been loose for quite some time. I'd say it's been about 6/7 months now, but Aidan is a patient boy. I'm sure in that brilliant little mind of his he though out some logical reason that prompted him to wait instead of wiggle.

Last night at tuck in time I checked the progress of his first loose tooth. It was very wiggly, in fact I was sure if he had let me wiggle and tug I would have had his tooth out that night, this scenario wasn't quite as appealing to Aidan as it was to me. I decided it was time to remind Aidan of the "tooth fairy" and his/her purpose...$. At this point, and after being tucked in herself, Paris had joined us in Aidan's room. She was disgusted by Aidan's tooth, but excited to learn about the tooth fairy. Paris asked to sleep over in her big brother's room and after we gave her the okay we tucked the two in and said "good night".

The two were obviously far to anxious to sleep because a little after 10 PM on Tuesday July, 27th 2010 Aidan came tip-toeing out of his bedroom with good news! His tooth had fallen out! He was of course concerned for the safety of his tooth, so we placed the tooth in a baggy and the placed that baggy under his pillow. Aidan was quick to fall asleep certain that the tooth fairy wouldn't come if he wasn't fast asleep. Paris on the other hand desperately wanted to wait the fairy out, she was sure if she could just stay up late enough that she'd catch the beautiful, magical tooth fairy in action. But the tooth fairy knew better than to get caught, she (it was a "she" this time) waited until both children we in a deep sleep, and left $5 for Aidan's first tooth! She also left a special note saying: "Dear Aidan, Please brush your teeth 3 times a day, thank you for the clean tooth-Tooth Fairy" It was a simple message made of simple somewhat scribbly hand writing... Aidan thought that perhaps it was a kid fairy, Paris thought perhaps the handwriting was scribbly because the pen was far too big for a little fairy hand....hmmm, I'm impressed that they both actually thought about it.

I love that the two got to share this experience together. It means so much to me as a mom when I see a healthy loving relationship developing between my children.

Here's a little fun for ya :D Aidan and I lost the same tooth first! How cool is that, except I lost mine a year earlier than he lost his! Here is a picture of me at 6 1/2 and Aidan at 7 1/2.

Bedtime Stories

Today was a hard day. I stayed up way too late reading "Breaking Dawn" I got half way through it skipping over most of the "Jacob" book/chapters. Yes, I am a brat skipping over all the details and getting right to the good stuff....like half humna, half vampire babies! The last time I looked at the clock last night it was 2 am. Adam was sleeping, I closed my book, turned out the light then playfully tickled him until he peeled his eyes half open, acknowledged my presence and held me close. Bedtime rebellion does not go with out consequence. I woke up cheerful this morning but then the head ache came. I was completely irritable.

My kids are champs. I was crabby, snappy and even hurtful today yet my kids still love me, with the same unconditional love I have for them. Ah, I have taught them well. Tonight after a long awaiting this day to be over I tucked my kids in bed. Normally I fly through this part of the day. Hoping I'll have enough time before my bedtime to finish up my to-do's and enjoy a little time to myself. Today had been a different day and so tonight, I took my time. I honestly have been trying to take my time lately, but I find myself far to selfish to ever do so. I'm a selfish being it's true, like last night when I decided to stay up way past my bedtime with out consideration to my children, so selfish of me.

Asher was exhausted as he usually is at bedtime. I crawled into his tiny-for-mom toddler bed and curled myself around him so that he sank into my chest. I held him firmly and then said "Asher look at me in my eyes please" he did. Then I said "I'm so sorry Asher, I love you so so much" referring to the fact that I had been a crab today. He said "I love you momma, I'm sorry I bite my sister". Asher was still Asher today, but I was a lot less graceful with him. We laid and watched the goldfish swim aimlessly in the tank that filled his room with dim light. I watched as peace fall upon his face, and soon after I found myself lost in the rhythm of his breathing. His face is beautiful, so fresh, and full, and kissable, I could have laid beside him staring all night.

I heard Paris' restless body wrestling in her bed. She shares a room with Asher and thankfully as I had hoped, Asher fell asleep quickly enough allowing me time with Paris before she had fallen asleep. I crawled on over to her bedside, tucked her sheets around her and snuggled my head next to her. She had preferred me to lay in bed with her, but had I done such a thing in a bed more comfortable than Asher's I would have passed right out, and still I had hoped to make it to Aidan's room for tuck in time tonight. So she being in a grateful mood, settled for my kneeling at her bedside. I held her hand as she closed her eyes and concentrated on falling asleep. Aw, she is a sweet one. I whispered sweet thoughts into her ear, sharing with her how thankful I am to God for giving me the best little girl in the world, how I adore her, how I'm proud of who she is, and how I love her so much more than she could ever know. I don't consider myself remarkable but the power I have to bring such a peace to my children amazes me. It's a gift that only I can give, it's a comfort I regret not giving them more of. I caught myself staring again, this time I watched Paris' little hand in mine. Fragile, gentle, precious. I thought about the little, someday big hand for a while, and it was poetic. When I saw that Paris didn't flinch when Adam came to check on us I moved on to Aidan's room.

Of course Aidan wasn't sleeping. He was tired though, I could see it in his eyes. When I walked in he had been tucking in his stuffy's. Before I could say anything he asked if I could stay with him a while, so that he had a better try at falling asleep. Absolutely! I snuggled up in bed with Aidan, I rubbed his prickly shaved head, and as I laid on my side I wrapped one arm around his little chest, then we prayed. Well I prayed over him. I had done this earlier with the other two before Asher fell asleep. I prayed a similar, unique to him prayer. Then he turned to his side and I rubbed his back. I knew I wouldn't be able to lay with him until he fell asleep, that would take 40-60 minutes. Time I had chose not spare, surely I'd fall asleep if I stayed snuggled in his bed for that long. I stayed as long as I could though. When he tossed back over to his back I got to watch his face, again I saw that same peace. It signifies the feeling of being protected, safe, watched over and loved. I couldn't believe how big he is. It made me sad to reflect on how fast time has passed. It sadly does feel long ago that I had laid beside him as a newborn. I hate remembering how old he is and how were that much closer to "the turning point". That stupid point in time when he'll decide he doesn't need me by his bedside, or for much else either. I dread it and pray with might it's not real. I held him a little tighter, said "I love you" and when I thought he was comfortable enough to fall asleep in peace, I escaped before I began to wallow in self pity.

Someday this life will be over and I'll begin a new stage. It is what it is, just like today was crap but then heavenly. Thank God for bedtime stories.

Brother and a half.

Most people don't know that I have two brothers. Both go by the name Samuel. One is my whole brother, the other is my half.

I grew up with my whole brother Sam. I've known him since the day he was born. He is 20 now. When my Dad passed he left behind his girlfriend Diana who was about 5 months pregnant with my half brother. Who she named Rudolfo Samuel De Leon, who is now 13 and goes by Sammy.

I did not grow up with my half brother. I do however try my best to keep in touch with him. After all my sister, my brother and I are the closest thing to our Dad that he will ever know. We're pieces of my Father, we're not only his flesh and blood but we knew him. He held us, we know his voice, we know his smile, he left an impression on us.

If life makes up the pieces to who we are as a puzzle. My sister, brother and I are pieces of my Dad. Pieces my half brother Sammy could use to make up a part of his life's puzzle.

He really appreciates getting to know any part of our Dad's family. I love getting to know him. I hope I'm always able to be a part of his life. It was really good to see him after so long, and re-learn once again that he is a really cool kid.

From Left to Right: Me, Sammy my Half Brother, Sam JR.

Superbly Celebrated

Back in the day you were considered majorly blessed if you had yourself some sons. Seriously? Did they not know that girls rock too! I'm so thankful for my baby girl. Blessed am I to have Paris Marie.

Today Paris had herself a birthday party! This year's theme was a mix of different things Paris likes, the top three being: Princesses, Ballet and GOD!! She begged for a sleep over but she's only gonna be 5 and we leave for Cali in the morning, so she settled for a pajama party! I spent extra time on details. I love details and now that Paris can actually enjoy and appreciate them, I took the time to put a little extra effort into decorating and such.

We had a candle lit dinner: spaghetti and salad with a homemade birthday cake for dessert.

After we met in the living room at the "Story Time Station" for a reading of "Gigi God's Little Princess: The Purple Ponies". This was a book about how God created each of us uniquely with different yet special gifts. SO very perfect for 5 year old little girls.

We opened presents, made ourselves some friendship bracelets then headed to the front porch "Beauty Salon" for some manicures.

When we finished up our manicures, the girls got to go star catching for their party favors, they each took home three unique, sparkly beautiful stars to take home and hang over their bed.

Finally for those who got to stay out late we watched "Barbie's 12 Dancing Princesses" I'm not super fond of Barbie movies but this one incorporated 2 of Paris' favorite things and went long without theme, AND it was actually pretty good.

The party was great, it flowed well we did everything we had planned and the girls all did awesome!! Paris had a blast, it was memorable for her and she says she loved it!That's all the matters to me.

She is sunshine and completely wonderful to me she deserves to be superbly celebrated!

Pieces of Mother's Day 2010

Gifting: For about the last 5 years Aunt Mora has hosted a brunch or dinner for Mother's Day and for the last 5 years I've made it a tradition to give the Tilgner Aunt's a little somethin' somethin' for Mother's Day. Just our little way of sayin' thanks for being a part of our lives and doing that mom-like job of being an Aunt. This year we potted a variety of annuals each represent the uniqueness of each woman in the family.

My Prize. On Saturday I was on the hunt for some good deals so we took a little trip to Fred Meyer. Shortly after we got there we heard an announcement that a "Plant Walk" was starting in ten minutes for kids 10 and under. Aidan was thrilled! He was curious as to what this was (cause he has never been a such a walk before), and even more intrigued when I mentioned there would likely be a prize for the winner! So I said what the heck. We walked on over to the plant walk...and AIDAN won! He was so excited as was I when he happily handed it over to me as my Mother's Day gift. I was thinking he'd want to give it to a grandma but nope with out hesitation he handed it right over to me and said "Happy mother's Day Mom". It was really quite perfect because that day he had been mumbling about how he had no money to buy me anything and how even if he did he wasn't sure how he could make it a surprise. I thought his concern was so precious, a sweet gift itself and I let him know that. Regardless God knows the heart and I can't help but feel God intervened on

 Aidan's behalf :D

Deepwood Estate: This Mother's Day I thought it would be nice to take some pictures of the kids and I. Well the pictures didn't exactly go the way I wanted them to. A group shot with all three is still out of the question at this point and stage in their life. We tried...and let's just say the pictures will be scrapbooked. We did however get a few good ones of me with the girls, the boys and my man.

Mom's Home: My mom's moved a few times in the last couple years but no matter where she goes it'll always be home. She holds my memories from birth-now and home will always be wherever she is at. I totally spaced snapping a pic with her this year :( or any pictures of our time over there for that matter. Regardless it was great. I gave her her gifts and she gave me mine. Isn't sweet that my mom buys ME a gift on Mother's Day! I can always count on chocolate covered strawberries from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory from her on Mother's Day. I get one for each kid I have! Cute huh?! This year she also got me this adorable necklace (I'm wearing it in a the pic up top there).

The Tilgner Farm in Kings Valley: Adam and I know this is a Mother's Day event we will never miss because it's guaranteed delicious food. Food that is way out of my league. Okay we don't only go for the food the family is good too. Not everyone has the delight of being near a grandparent but we do! Plus the farm is awesome. It's like were the only people that exist when we're out there. Aidan was way into Mother's Day this year and asked to take me on a nature walk. The farm has plenty of tall trees and a couple trails too. He wanted to show off his expertise. It was adorable. Well worth the time and energy. Completely priceless.

The Oregon Coast: Usually Mother's Day is a difficult time for me to receive gifts from the family. I always feeling guilty considering it's right after income tax returns and I've usually shopped pretty well for myself by this holiday. But none the less I am a momma which entitles me to something. So this year I asked to watch the sunset at the Oregon Coast. It was a BEautiful warm sunny day until, of course, we headed in the direction of the coast only to see that the sunset would be shadowed out. The sky was full of clouds! Still it was a memorable time and the Oregon Coast is spectacular-Always.

Catching up!

Ay caramba! Seriously I re-start up this bloggity blog thinking I have allll this time on my hands no that Adam's in school. But no, oh no, no of course life took a turn for the preoccupied and ever since my poor blog has been postless! 

Well I'm not about to let it go more than a month with out a post...and I'm not about to get all boring on ya'll! My last couple posts we're rants and raving about used cars and car lots...eh-BORING! 

Honestly though that experience was a real hard reality to learn. Those posts definitely applied to my blog in the sense that my marriage and character we're quite frankly being tested. Now that's a post worth bloggin' about...gotta leave room to remember the difficult lessons in life. Not for the purpose of bitterness of course but for the sheer joy it brings to look back and see "victory".

God is God and I am not praise Him for that :D Now to conclude: Look forward to blogging some over due posts!

Pathfinder Prologue

Here are my final thoughts in regards to my previous blog.

Clarity is good. The Oregon Lemon Law pertains only to new vehicles. The The 3 Day Right of Rescission does not pertain to vehicles. With this I'm torn. I don't know if I can feel thankful for the Pathfinder, though it looks like I should be. Maybe with time I will be.

I am however certain about a few things. I'm glad I shared this experience with others, if this causes anyone to think twice before buying a used car then I've done my job. I'm not saying used cars are bad, I in fact, personally think they are better than new. A new car loses significant value the moment you drive it off the lot, and it depreciates so quickly its ridiculous. My personal advice is buy cars 4-6 years old, low in mileage from a dealer that is recommended and get a decent warranty.

This car lot dude was an experience few and far between for me. I has intended to post this prologue immediately. I see now how waiting was actually kinda cool. Since I posted  "My Path to the Pathfinder" new drama has developed...! And still I can say this: I have forgiven him. I have prayed for him. I hope good for him. I see myself writing a letter to this guy some day. God is just good like that.

P.S I'm selling my Pathfinder :D pretty much I don't want it.

My path to the Pathfinder.

How to make a really long story short. Cut it in half? Nah...still too long. Tell part of it? Maybe but all of it feels important. Bullets and segments? Let's give it a try.

Early March.

• Wednesday. Long day, results in a long car cruise in Salem.
• Drive by car lot, spots a good deal on a car I like.
• Priscilla to car sales man "why such a deal?" Car sales man "we like to move things around here."

Yep half of you already know where this story is going.

• Tell Adam and Step dad about good deal.
• They head down to the car lot. Under the hood looks good. Test drive went well.
• We had went down as a family. But I went home with the kids-a car lot is zero fun for kids.
• Lets make a deal. Offer accepted. Car lot takes cash only (which is what we offered but debit wasn't good enough). Car dealer wants a cash deposit until tomorrow when back re-opens. Husband phone calls the wife...
• Wife says no cash deposits...bad idea. Car dealer tells husband to lie to wife. Car dealer wants $ now.
• Car dealer now calls wife, I still say no cash deposit we'll wait until tomorrow! Car dealer tells husband, lies and says I say it's ok to do the cash deposit. Adam knows how uneasily I change my mind and calls me.
• No, no, no.
• Adam makes a hand shake deal to come back in the morning. No cash deposit. Later that night. We talk, we want the car but wish the dealer wasn't so darn sketchy!
• Thursday morning. Feeling bad for it so I'm trying hard not to focus on this man's creepiness. He didn't look nice on the outside, I was hoping that didn't mean he wasn't nice on the inside...but he had lied so easily!!!
• We go down to buy our car.

Are ideas pouring into your head? Do you have a good assumption as to where this is going yet?

• The car is too good of a deal...but maybe the economy is that bad? I try to bargain down the price to save us money just in case something minor ends up being wrong with the car, no bueno the car dealer gets offended and caught-me-off-guard snappy :(
• This guy is creeping me out big time. I try to shake it off and inquire about his family, his children and...it didn't really help much.
• As Adam signs papers we listen as he assures us this is such a good deal... Blah, blah, blah!
• We drive off in our sparkling clean "good running" 2002 Saturn Vue with 90,000 for only 4,500 (plus he was paying for tags and title transfer).

Here's the super-huge-pit-in-my-stomach sad part...

• Approx 3 hours later...the transmission goes completely wild.
• Adam's furious, I try to remain cool headed. Knowing we just paid cash and Adam signed an as is warranty.
• I call the car lot. I know some how this is not only unethical, but very bad business.
• The dealer had no idea-"WOW"-and asks us to bring it back, he will have a mechanic there to meet us and look at it.
• It was a slooow gentle car ride back, we basically coasted. 
• The whole time I racked my brain, "What does that 3 day consumer law thing pertain to exactly?" "Is that lemon law still in effect? What are defines a "lemon" exactly" "Real estate has laws against such bad business, laws that protect buyers and sellers, there has to be laws against this, right?"
• I share all my thoughts with Adam. I thought up a some-what intimidating argument, not knowing what exactly I should be hoping for.
• I knew a cash refund just wasn't gonna happen today, Adam wanted a solution today. No car dealer was gonna trade 4,500 for a completely non-serviceable vehicle, no matter what.
• Adam and I both agreed he was too mad and I sounded smart, and therefor I would do the talking.
• Barely made it to the car lot. The dealer "had no idea" he is shocked. "He had test drove it with several other people car never showed any signs of trouble." I half way believed him, until later a co-worker contradicted that statement.
• I play Mrs. Nice Guy. Car dealer tells me flat out, no money back...so predictable!-I had to try!
• Mechanic looks under the hood. Mechanic makes a lot of discouraging grumbles. He makes a call, on his end "No ones gonna like that news"..."Non serviceable ay."
• Mechanic and car dealer talk. I know they'd preferred privacy but I stood in close anyway. The machanic was nice and genuine. At this point the engine won't even turn.
• Me and the dealer begin to debate, he says he'll split the cost of repairs. Um "Non-serviceable, the repairs cost more than the car...NO", I was not dumping half of 6,000 into that Vue, had we wanted to spend $7,500 on a car it would not have been this one in particular.
• We debate some more, I keep my cool, I speak kindly. I bring up my idea of good business dealing and ethics. He gets out-of-no-where-mad. This catches me off guard. I excuse myself and apologize for offending him I asked for his understanding of my situation. I tried to understand his. He cools a little.
• We talk I refuse anything less than a refund or full value exchange. He says heck no. "I'll pay half the repairs only and that itself is a favor." He is mad again.
• I don't even care anymore. I say I'll have friends who ask about this car sitting in my drive way and I'll have to share my story of a bad business deal.
• He gets furious starts yelling in my face, pulls out cash and says "take this $10, no this $20 and buy signs for all I care." And continues barking at me.
• I'm totally caught off guard, I start shaking, heart pounding, I could feel the heat in my face. And as this guy is being completely irrational, I'm speechless, I just listen in total shock.
• Adam sees I need space. Decides to try cooling this guy down by stepping in to play "good cop".

Now here you might think, this car lot guy couldn't have been that mean cause Adam didn't react in defense. Here's the deal. This guy crushed me big time. Adam didn't step in to save the day b/c he fully knows that I don't like to be "defended", I just don't. It comes from instinct, a battle I haven't fully won b/c I hardly ever have to fight it these days. It's been a long while since some one's been up in my face like that. So truly Adam did me and himself a favor.

• While Adam and creeper worked on chatting up a deal. I sat back and for the first time since maybe my dad died I wept, big time, I was so frustrated, and truly I had forgotten how ill minded some people are, and the idea of having lost so much money-yikes. My throat gets all chocked up thinking about it.
• A man and his daughter came to the car lot, I saw this and simply said "I just bought this car and 3 hours later the transmission blew, it won't even start now". The dad asked what the dealer was doing about it. I said "We're either out a few more grand of we're taking a significant loss". I had wanted to say so much more but respectfully I held back. Car dealer dude didn't look to happy when the dad and daughter walked quickly off the lot. I wondered then if I should ask for that $20 for those signs he suggested.
• Adam and car dealer man keep talking...any time I over heard anything about an exchange for half the value I shouted "NOPE", anytime I heard half the repairs paid I again shouted "NOPE". Absolutely not without first talking to a lawyer.
• The whole time they talked which actually wasn't that long, I cried and cried I couldn't stop. I couldn't handle the thought of such a financial loss, not b/c I'm so attached to money but b/c since I've seen friends lose jobs and homes, and I'm deeply thankful for every penny I have. I didn't even care if it was a $25 loss it's still $25!
• I knew something was deeply wrong with this picture. All I wanted to do was go home and look up some law in favor of our situation. 
• About 25 minutes after my little break down. Adam and the car dealer walked back over to me, Adam could barely stand seeing me sob-this sobbing thing doesn't come so naturally to me, Adam knows this. Car dealer man I think even knows this, I sensed some remorse in his eyes.
• Car dealer guy says "I feel bad now b/c your crying", I could of cared less about him feeling bad, I thought he should of felt that way the instant he found out about the no transmission, non serviceable car he sold us.
• Car dealer says "Do you like that Pathfinder over there?" I look with tear vision and said "I don't know". He said "It's yours! I have it on the lot for 4,995 I promise that one is worth every penny." I shrugged.
• Adam's excited, he wants it. I said "I'd still rather go home and look up our states lemon law", I didn't want to spend $4,500 on a 1995 Nissan Pathfinder, for that price or that year I would have shopped, or saved up more $ for something better. Plus I didn't want to do another deal with this guy.
• The guy "It's the best that I can do", He asks again "Do you like it", I say "I don't really know what I like right now", he's moderately frustrated now. But I didn't care my head was pounding, vision blurred, spirit crushed all I wanted was to go home and sleep, to sleep and wake up to Thursday morning all over again.
• Finally knowing if the lemon law hadn't changed, he'd either have to a) fix our car-which we already had a mechanic willing to testify that the vehicle wasn't serviceable, b) exchange for a car of equal value or c) give us a refund. You could bet he'd do an exchange before a refund, and who knows how long all this filing, and lawyering, and paper work would take.
• So finally I said..."Yeah, whatever". We test drove it. Adam liked it. I could tolerate it.
• Adam drops us off at home during the test drive. Keep in mind P and Ash were with us this entire time, crazy bored, super tired, and frustrated with the limited attention.
• Adam goes back to do the exchange.

Now, are you ready for the jaw dropper!? 

• Car dealer says..."Hey man, I'm gonna need difference", grrrr! Adam just wants to get a running, decent car, he doesn't know for sure if there's a law, he is a see it to believe it kind of guy. Adam wants something for our money he doesn't want to wait for this guy to change his mind and go back to one of his pitiful offers...Adam agrees to pay the difference, huge gasp, I know.
• Guess what that same day they had the vue up for sale again sticker read "Valued" at $7,500!" Who knows what they were asking for it tho, we didn't care to stop and ask.

This is an event I wish to erase from memory. I would prefer it never took up another moment of my time. But I honestly can't bare the thought of anyone else ever having such an experience. There are risks associated with buying a used car, but no one should ever buy a car and have it not work 3 hours later. There IS a lemon law that protects you and most lawyers will take on your case with out any out of pocket expenses to you if they know they will win. So call a lawyer, then you'll know how to negotiate and when to settle.


Had I set out to publicly humiliate this man, I would have named him and then fully disclosed all his insults and every lie we caught him in. I really haven't dealt with someone so irrational since years really. But that's not what this post is about. I can't even bring myself to name the car lot at least not in my blog. (I did share the car lot name on my facebook page).

Just be aware...it doesn't always work out this way but more often if it seems to good to be true it's just is.

Check in tomorrow for the prologue!

The sunshine in my pocket.

It's no secret, I am so in love with my baby girl, my darling. She is the sunshine in my pocket, always, always good for getting a smile out of me no matter what the day brings. She is the most perfect daughter for me, It's totally true you can even ask God.

The last 4 weeks have been screaming romance: A two day stay away from the kids with Adam (to celebrate 10 years of our relationship), a wedding, aother wedding and a proposal. I am huge sucker for romance! Through out the years in relationship with Adam I had been a bit resistant it was pure modesty. Resistance has left the building, 6 years and 3 kids later I'm thirsting for romance, can't get enough of it.

In the midst of it all, all the romance that is, I found my self day dreaming. I imagined my baby girl meeting a gentleman someday who would sweep her off her feet and love her to pieces. A kind man who will someday ask her for her hand in marriage. Some one she will someday exchange vows with before God (on which day I will sob, and sob). Someone who she will celebrate 10 years of a relationship with and then perhaps say that she loves him more today than she did yesterday.

 I think these things out for my boys as well but I'm much more familiar with a women's heart, I have to admit the boys can be completely foreign to me sometimes. I mean seriously I give Paris a flower, she smells it then asks me to put it in her hair. I give Asher a flower and he eats it or trys feeding it to the dog. I give Aidan a flower and he wants to cut it open and examine it.

Alls I'm saying is that my baby girl is a real gem and that already I've begun to pray for whoever that boy is, her someday best friend, her someday romance. Already I'm preparing myself for it. I know watching her grow up may leave me a little bitter so I'm seeking out all the sweet stuff about it. I'm soaking in all the pink, all the sparkles, all the silliness and giggles and hoping for continued joy in our relationship, and her happiness as a little woman someday.

Mommy+Paris=Best Friends Forever!

She is UNREAL!

There she was standing tall and confident in who she is. A married women with three young children. She wakes up every morning before her husband and children to read her Bible, pray and then worship the Lord through out her day. She puts effort into her outfit, hair and make up day in and day out and makes sure that her time doesn't take away from their time. She has breakfast hot and ready for her husband before he walks out the door, she prepares three wholesome meals a day for her family in a timely manner. She puts time and effort into making sure her children are primed, proper and polite. She makes sure her home looks like it's ready to sell each day before her husband comes home from work. She does marriage workbooks with her husband and teaches Bible lessons to her children. She is all the things love is all the time: patient, kind, understanding....unfailing...unfailing...unfailing....She is UNREAL! But she was dream, a vision, a hope for someone better...the absolute best for my family and no you will never see such a thing lived out in my life.

Sure there will be days I wake up before the family, read my Bible pray and go on about the day worshipping God. Of course there will be times when I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner but honestly, Adam's the cook, I have zero talent in the kitchen, all my "creative masterpieces" outside of desserts have been bluntly said: Gross! Point being at one point or another and maybe someday all in one I will display such character, but I am human far from perfect and "unfailing" is way on the other end of the spectrum from where I stand.

I spent a good long time trying to understand why in the world God wouldn't allow my efforts to play out into such a dream woman. I mean seriously I had super good intentions and I couldn't see any harm being done. So why not? Do I have an answer yet? Maybe not exactly. But I do know this, I have asked many, different times, many different ways for many different reasons for God to do a good work in me, to mold me in his image, to love his creation through me. And since I let go of what seemed a simple thing to ask, I've stopped seeking out this distraction of a women that would impress the world and started, yet again seeking a Christ-like character that would impress God.

That being said, along with the fact that I feel 100% more myself now than ever before, goes to say God's up to something. He makes beauty from pain. It's hard to hear no or clearly see God directing you toward another path. A different path, but once your eyes are opened to see it's His path, how can you not be thankful. I'm reminded that like a child I often don't know what in the world I'm asking for. However I am sure of two things I remind myself often of right now: 1) God is all-knowing (that's a cooler way to say He knows all things)! 2) He loves me, oh how He ever so passionately loves me. You too you know ;)

Here is me, the real me :) not some dream woman

who was trying to be something she wasn't!

2009 The best Christmas so far as a wife/mom!

Stuffy's

Aidan is one of the most compassionate people I know. Such a sweet heart that kid. I'm so proud to be his momma.

The other night as I tucked him in. I noticed him near the edge of his bed with stuffy's lined up perfectly from his side all the way to the wall. I was impressed but seriously hoped he wasn't becoming some kind of overly organized perfectionist-that would make me very sad.

So I asked him why he had his stuffy's lined up so nicely in a row between himself and the wall. He said-"It's so I can keep track of who's turn it is to sleep next to me". He said "You see Mom I rotate them". Then out of curiosity I asked "How would you feel if I put all your stuffy's in the basement and they weren't in your bed anymore"? He whimpered and pretended to start crying. I said "So you'd be hurt by that, huh", he said "Yes very much". Then we hugged.

Don't worry I assured him I wouldn't do such a thing. He knew I wouldn't either, I think he could tell by my tone that I really was just curious. The truth is, someday he will need to box up and store or give away those stuffy's. But those stuffy's are his and for now I'll leave it up to him to decide when he is ready to let go. Until then I can't help but feel so good about who he is. The way he treats his stuffy's is a small reflection of his heart, good, loving, and fair.

Two and a Half

Lately Asher our youngest has been coming to our bed in the middle of the night. Typically I'd take any child who creep's in back to their bed IF it's happening on a regular basis. After all we don't want any bad habits developing, we need to keep this space "sacred" ;) if ya know what I mean. But here's the problem he is our youngest, and he is our last. (Unless by nothing short of a miracle Adam's vasectomy reverses itself and voila fertile myrtle here gets pregnant in which case make room in the loony bin cause I'd be moving in).

With that being said I must confess, I'm stuck on Ash. I like that he creeps into our room. I love hearing him breathe all night, I like holding his sweet little giant feet in my hands, I like snuggling close to his chubby little tummy. I like when the early morning hall light beams through the door and shines light on his perfect little face, allowing me to stare, admire and enjoy a little piece of toddler-hood that I will ever miss so much. Because let's face it teen-agers don't creep into bed with you and snuggle and really if they did I'm thinking it would be just a little awkward.

I asked myself a tough question today. If I could keep Asher at 2 1/2 forever would I? My answer is YES. Now ask me that again when he is running around the house like a mad man and perhaps I'll respond differently...perhaps. Happy 2 1/2 Birthday Ash, Momma loves you!

Magnificent Joy

It is a truly magnificent thing to know God's faithfulness. A pure joy to remember his His goodness.

Recently I prayed the same prayer repeatedly over and over again over the course of the last year. Did I get what I wanted, not necessarily. What happens when I don't get my way? I learn. I know now that "no" means "wait". In time I might find that: yes...I want what God desires for me but with perfect timing, I see later that He had good reason to keep me waiting. Alternately I could later learn that: no...what I wanted didn't line up with His will for my life but with His perfect timing, I see later on that he had something better planned! God can give you so much more than you even knew you wanted, and He will because he is simply a wonderful father like that.

However even in knowing God's faithfulness it remains difficult for me to sit in times of silence. It is in those times I grow troubled and weary. "In time", "Later", "Wait"-those are answers that are hard for me to live with whether it's before or after he says "yes" or "no". When God stretches that time out further out than I anticipated, my lack of understanding becomes painful.

A simple glass of water becomes the best glass of water if you drink of it when your mouth is parched. As a women, wife and mother my prayers are coming in by the truck load, God remind me of your track record, you have given me beauty through pain and a life far beyond anything I could have ever dreamt up for myself. God you are faithful, God you are good!