The sunshine in my pocket.

It's no secret, I am so in love with my baby girl, my darling. She is the sunshine in my pocket, always, always good for getting a smile out of me no matter what the day brings. She is the most perfect daughter for me, It's totally true you can even ask God.

The last 4 weeks have been screaming romance: A two day stay away from the kids with Adam (to celebrate 10 years of our relationship), a wedding, aother wedding and a proposal. I am huge sucker for romance! Through out the years in relationship with Adam I had been a bit resistant it was pure modesty. Resistance has left the building, 6 years and 3 kids later I'm thirsting for romance, can't get enough of it.

In the midst of it all, all the romance that is, I found my self day dreaming. I imagined my baby girl meeting a gentleman someday who would sweep her off her feet and love her to pieces. A kind man who will someday ask her for her hand in marriage. Some one she will someday exchange vows with before God (on which day I will sob, and sob). Someone who she will celebrate 10 years of a relationship with and then perhaps say that she loves him more today than she did yesterday.

 I think these things out for my boys as well but I'm much more familiar with a women's heart, I have to admit the boys can be completely foreign to me sometimes. I mean seriously I give Paris a flower, she smells it then asks me to put it in her hair. I give Asher a flower and he eats it or trys feeding it to the dog. I give Aidan a flower and he wants to cut it open and examine it.

Alls I'm saying is that my baby girl is a real gem and that already I've begun to pray for whoever that boy is, her someday best friend, her someday romance. Already I'm preparing myself for it. I know watching her grow up may leave me a little bitter so I'm seeking out all the sweet stuff about it. I'm soaking in all the pink, all the sparkles, all the silliness and giggles and hoping for continued joy in our relationship, and her happiness as a little woman someday.

Mommy+Paris=Best Friends Forever!

She is UNREAL!

There she was standing tall and confident in who she is. A married women with three young children. She wakes up every morning before her husband and children to read her Bible, pray and then worship the Lord through out her day. She puts effort into her outfit, hair and make up day in and day out and makes sure that her time doesn't take away from their time. She has breakfast hot and ready for her husband before he walks out the door, she prepares three wholesome meals a day for her family in a timely manner. She puts time and effort into making sure her children are primed, proper and polite. She makes sure her home looks like it's ready to sell each day before her husband comes home from work. She does marriage workbooks with her husband and teaches Bible lessons to her children. She is all the things love is all the time: patient, kind, understanding....unfailing...unfailing...unfailing....She is UNREAL! But she was dream, a vision, a hope for someone better...the absolute best for my family and no you will never see such a thing lived out in my life.

Sure there will be days I wake up before the family, read my Bible pray and go on about the day worshipping God. Of course there will be times when I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner but honestly, Adam's the cook, I have zero talent in the kitchen, all my "creative masterpieces" outside of desserts have been bluntly said: Gross! Point being at one point or another and maybe someday all in one I will display such character, but I am human far from perfect and "unfailing" is way on the other end of the spectrum from where I stand.

I spent a good long time trying to understand why in the world God wouldn't allow my efforts to play out into such a dream woman. I mean seriously I had super good intentions and I couldn't see any harm being done. So why not? Do I have an answer yet? Maybe not exactly. But I do know this, I have asked many, different times, many different ways for many different reasons for God to do a good work in me, to mold me in his image, to love his creation through me. And since I let go of what seemed a simple thing to ask, I've stopped seeking out this distraction of a women that would impress the world and started, yet again seeking a Christ-like character that would impress God.

That being said, along with the fact that I feel 100% more myself now than ever before, goes to say God's up to something. He makes beauty from pain. It's hard to hear no or clearly see God directing you toward another path. A different path, but once your eyes are opened to see it's His path, how can you not be thankful. I'm reminded that like a child I often don't know what in the world I'm asking for. However I am sure of two things I remind myself often of right now: 1) God is all-knowing (that's a cooler way to say He knows all things)! 2) He loves me, oh how He ever so passionately loves me. You too you know ;)

Here is me, the real me :) not some dream woman

who was trying to be something she wasn't!

2009 The best Christmas so far as a wife/mom!

Stuffy's

Aidan is one of the most compassionate people I know. Such a sweet heart that kid. I'm so proud to be his momma.

The other night as I tucked him in. I noticed him near the edge of his bed with stuffy's lined up perfectly from his side all the way to the wall. I was impressed but seriously hoped he wasn't becoming some kind of overly organized perfectionist-that would make me very sad.

So I asked him why he had his stuffy's lined up so nicely in a row between himself and the wall. He said-"It's so I can keep track of who's turn it is to sleep next to me". He said "You see Mom I rotate them". Then out of curiosity I asked "How would you feel if I put all your stuffy's in the basement and they weren't in your bed anymore"? He whimpered and pretended to start crying. I said "So you'd be hurt by that, huh", he said "Yes very much". Then we hugged.

Don't worry I assured him I wouldn't do such a thing. He knew I wouldn't either, I think he could tell by my tone that I really was just curious. The truth is, someday he will need to box up and store or give away those stuffy's. But those stuffy's are his and for now I'll leave it up to him to decide when he is ready to let go. Until then I can't help but feel so good about who he is. The way he treats his stuffy's is a small reflection of his heart, good, loving, and fair.